Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
