I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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