I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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