I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
