I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
