After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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