i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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