We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
