What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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