The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
