just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
