Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
