She is in my trunk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
