I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
