i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
