Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize