So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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