My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
