I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
