i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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