He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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