i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
