I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
