i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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