my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
