im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
