I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
