we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
