Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
