I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
