Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
