is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
