I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
