OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
