I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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