you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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