i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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