Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
