So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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