Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there's paper in my vomit.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
