she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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