he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
