When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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