question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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