that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
