i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
