i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
