Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
