for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
