We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
