I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He has the fingertips of a God
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