don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
