Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
