we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
