508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize