Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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