Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
