just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
