i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
