Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
