I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
