I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
