video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
