If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize