You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
