8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Acid is not a monday night drug
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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