24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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