I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
