Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
