Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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