I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
