We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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