if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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