dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love you.
Bad choice
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
