I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
