Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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