I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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