i just sent this text using only my big toe
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
