Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
