Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
