when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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