Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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