im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
