That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
