he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
