I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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