whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
