The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
