I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
