He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
