Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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