I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize