Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
