Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
