just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
