You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
