a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
