I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
