Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
