We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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