I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
